Saturday, August 28, 2004

Why Marriage Institution Is Failing In Our Country?

I got this from a former schoolmate of mine, Sofi in the friendster.com site. I agree with almost everything what she wrote:

There is something wrong in our culture. I really think there are some practices in our culture in Malaysia (Malay culture specifically) that do not make sense and especially they are contrary to the teaching of Islam. I am not saying this is the main cause, but somehow it is true...

These practices are well-rooted in our culture that unfortunately because of them, many people are 'afraid' to get married, or simply feel like they cannot afford when they are actually can afford. These are some of my observation:

  1. Marriage should be done in the most modest way but in Malaysia, it is ought to be done in the most lavish way. Competition on whose wedding is the most grandeur is almost unavoidable. Fame is usually the reason why people spend unreasonable and wasteful amount of money for a wedding.
  2. The 'price' of a women is measured according to her perhaps educational background, physical attributes and family social status not according to her knowledge and understanding of *Deen and piety as suggested by the religion. The saddest thing is the 'price' put on women, who are supposed to be, if God-loving, kind-hearted and pious ones, 'priceless'! '*Dowry system is adopted by the Malays from perhaps the Indians who came to Malaysia long time ago. When the 'dowry' is put too high and men cannot afford to pay, marriage is usually delayed or cancelled. An effort to build another small brick unit of this Deen is Delayed or perhaps destroyed only for this reason.
  3. Marriage should be a quick and easy process for the couple not hard, which eventually becomes a burden. These days, we make marriage so complicated that people are afraid of getting married. When I was in the US, I saw Muslim brothers and sisters getting married at the mosque, with just some sweets as the main course for the guests. The guests who were invited to witness the ceremony were usually whoever prayed *jemaah at the mosque or some close realtives and friends. There is no point of being extravange. We should focus on the life after wedding not the wedding itself.

Wedding is only a door to the marriage house. Why should we spent a lot of money to decorate the door so beatifully, when the inside of the house is then left empty, dark and unattractive?

And pressure is on men...


Glossary
Deen: Religion
Dowry: In Malay Culture also called as 'Hantaran'
Jemaah: Group

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